What 3 things from 2025 are you most proud of?

I’m proud of the effort I’ve put into maintaining connection with my family and friends this year.

Living away from the place where I grew up, it’s very easy to lose touch and not feel a part of my family’s lives. I know it’s not just on me to keep in touch, but I’ve felt that distance increasingly in the last few years. I’m grateful that this year I’ve been able to spend a lot more time with my dad and see a lot more of my siblings and nephews.

I still miss my mum and the opportunities I missed out on to spend time with her. I think she’d be very proud of everything I’ve achieved this year and I catch myself wishing I could tell her about them. I know she would have loved exploring our family history, while she was able, and I know she’d love hearing about my new role. I think she’d find it funny how I’ve gone full circle, back to the university where I started when I first left home.

I’m proud of the family history website I built this year.

While I found it a fascinating technical challenge, it’s more than just a website for me. It’s a representation of how much I care about our family. I’ve always felt like a bit of an outsider, being just a little too young to really feel an equal to my older cousins, and having grown up a little too late to really get to know my aunts and uncles better. My wider family is now spread out so much that opportunities to know each other better are becoming more sparse.

Exploring my family history this year has brought back lots of good memories of the family I grew up with. Especially at this time of year, I miss the family sing songs on Boxing Day. I suppose my family history website is as much my attempt to reconnect with my wider family as it is my attempt to recapture those feelings. I hope that it’s well received and that it encourages people to share their stories with me before they’re lost.

But I’ve also built it for me: while I’m fascinated by our history, I struggle to hold onto it. My brain can’t remember dates well or picture how everything is connected. I’ve tried numerous systems and softwares over the years and I think that’s been my downfall: I could never quite settle and my research suffered as a result. Now that I’m building something that works the way I need it to, I feel a lot more confident in being consistent.

I’ve also intentionally designed it to encourage a robust approach so that, not only will it keep me right, but other people can see my workings. Showing my work is important to me. While I want to be able to present a cohesive story for my wider family, I don’t want to take shortcuts when it comes to my family history. Genealogy can be challenging, deep and enjoyable, and just swallowing up information without really digging into it wouldn’t satisfy me or those who come after. I’m trying to take my time and remind myself that I’m just building the foundations for others to follow.

I’m proud that I’ve started a stop motion animation hobby

The gap between the creative person I know I am and the skills I have to demonstrate my creativity is a big one. I know that I bring my creativity to all aspects of my life - solving problems and seeing connections others can’t - but I’ve still felt unfulfilled without an artistic outlet. It’s early days but I think stop motion can be that outlet for me. I’m really proud of what I’ve been able to achieve so far, with just a little bit of time and a handful of materials.

I also think it’s really important to have found a hobby that’s offline. I love technology and I love the web. I don’t expect that to change, but my rediscovery of the personal web last year coincided with a real need to slow down, to let my central nervous system relax, to take the time to explore content rather than be overwhelmed by it. I like that stop motion is inherently slow.

It’s also very tactile and I’m really enjoying using my hands for something other than typing. It’s really grounding just to be moulding clay with my hands, regardless of what I make with it. It’s also such a creative discipline. I know I can go in so many directions with it, if I want to: set design, puppetry, filmography. I’ve always been an inventor - seeing the potential in odds and ends - and I like that stop motion gives me a space to try out my ideas.

What’s still making you unhappy?

Money is an on-going concern. Even though we are a single income couple, I have a well paid job that should afford me the luxury of indulging my interests - owning my own website is a privilege - but every month I’m balancing the books. On paper, I know we should be very comfortable. However, despite having a good credit rating, never having never missed a payment, and being loyal to my financial institutions, I’m carrying a lot of debt and the repayments are large.

I cannot complain as there are people much worse off. However, as I get older, I feel just how much this debt is weighing me down and only pushing our dreams of travel and owning our own place further off. I’m trying to make more sensible financial decisions, but I have become that annoying elder who tells you to start saving early. Seriously, start saving early. Don’t assume it will work itself out later because later arrives sooner than you think.

In therapy this year we’ve also discovered that I carry a lot of anger. This came as a genuine surprise since I don’t think people would describe me as angry. At least, I wouldn’t describe myself that way. However, I have struggled this year to let go of a lot of bitterness I feel towards others and the way they navigate life.

I’ve realised that I have a strong sense of morality - which is admirable - but that my expectations of others are also incredibly high. It’s inevitable that they would fall short. For all the injustices that people perpetuate - and that’s what it actually feels like, injustice - I have to remind myself that I can’t control other people and they are more than likely blissfully ignorant.

To be clear: I’m not talking about global injustice - those perpetrators know exactly what they’re doing and can fuck right off - I’m taking about the inconsiderate in the every day. The people walking around who don’t seem to realise they share this planet with other living beings, with their own needs and struggles. They harm others through either inaction, omission or a seeming lack of concern.

I suppose this is the double edged sword of having a brain that runs at a million miles an hour: Not only can I already see what the repercussions will be of certain choices, I’m also quick to make assumptions. For all I’ve made new friends and joined a lovely community this past couple of years, I think I’ve lost trust in others too. I’m no angel and I’m sure I’m just as inconsiderate myself without realising it, but I’ve felt a shift this past year: I’ve been battered and bruised, and I’m now more skeptical and judgemental than I used to be.

What new opportunities exist for you that didn’t a year ago?

I love my new job and I love how highly collaborative it is. I’m mindful of putting too much of myself into my work again, lest I burn out once more, and I still struggle with the loss of trust I carry from a previous workplace. However, I’m in a really good place now and surrounded by colleagues that bring out the best in me. I also have the opportunity to work on some genuinely interesting projects and it really feels like all my experiences have contributed to bringing me to where I am.

I’m also really enjoying rediscovering the personal web. It’s connecting me to parts of my web history that have long been buried and it is genuinely thrilling to discover the thoughts of others through their websites. I’m really enjoying making a space for myself and I’m slowly getting used to the idea that it doesn’t have to be perfect or polished. I have the opportunity to explore my thoughts, feelings and means of self expression through my websites, and it feels right that it’s ever changing.

What false assumptions are holding you back?

The regular topic of my weekly therapy sessions is my low self esteem and need for external validation. There’s a perceived lack that I’m always trying to make up for and I’ve really started to recognise this year just how embedded in my thought patterns that sense of self is.

I always start from a place of assuming I’m not good enough or I haven’t done enough. While I don’t think it’s held me back from most pursuits - I do a lot of things in spite of this internal narrative - it does mean that I always set the expectations of myself unrealistically high. I can’t just do things half assed. I have to give 150% and even then I still come away feeling like it’s not enough.

I think it also damages my relationships too because I put everyone else on pedestals and set myself up to be hurt. I also worry that people don’t contact me because they don’t want to spend time with me or I’ve done something wrong. I know I must give the impression to people who know me that I’m very self-assured. However, that’s a mask: the reality is I live with constant insecurities.

What are you hoping 2026 looks like?

This year has seen our family plagued with illness. I also had a health scare of my own. I’m hoping for a calmer, more stable year where I can really explore my interests more. I particularly want to find ways to replenish my own self-esteem, without relying on others.

I also want to continue to explore the personal web - given my recent reorienting of my relationship with AI, I’m going to start calling it the handmade web - and find more ways to appreciate the thoughts shared by others. Something I’ve really appreciated this past year is how much slower the ways I now engage with the web have become - forums, rss feeds, email - and I hope to continue in the same way.

I also want to shift my focus to offline pursuits. I really want to make a go of my stop motion animation, my allotment and my art hobbies this year. I’m also keen to explore developing a library of physical media. We have a large library of DVDs already, and I’d like to do similar with music.