If we were having coffee i’d tell you that today was supposed to be a good day. A productive day.
I was going to wake up this morning and go for a walk while Lizzie went off to her book group. Since my walk last weekend to Mill Hill, I want to start working my way through the other walks in my guidebooks and next on my list is an old railway line trail. It’s easy to get to and supposed to be quite the haven for flora and fauna. After that i’d probably read the book I received today from Amazon about wood carving and maybe even go shopping for materials.
My #weekendcoffeeshare post was going to be about starting a new weekly series on a re-watch of Cowboy Bebop – you know, because doing Project Ghibli hasn’t proven time-consuming enough(!) – and i’d spend the rest of the day, at my own pleasure, working on a tiny little game idea that’s been rattling around my skull for far too long.
I didn’t do any of those things. It was raining when I woke up.
Instead, i’ve barely left our room in the loft today. I haven’t been up to socialising today and have kept out of the way. As the light has gone the room has become darker and darker with only the glow from the T.V. or my phone to see by. Outside right now there’s a bonfire and fireworks but it may as well be another world away.
I’m in a funk. I manage to let myself become so weighed down by all the pain and hurt in the world and my feeling of helplessness breaks my heart. It’s what nearly broke me before. Today has been different but also the same. My mind has been a news-reel of all the people i’ve let down and all the times I wasn’t the best version of myself. I know i’m my own worst enemy and i’ve spent the day miserably as a result.
I also know that tomorrow is a new day, and I can do better. But today just wasn’t my day.
Today’s #nanopoblano post was a struggle and i’m sorry it’s such poor filler. Let’s try again tomorrow. Good night x
Enough about me.. what did YOU do today?