If we were having coffee I’d apologise for my sudden absence this past week. You might not have noticed, but I sure did.
I haven’t been in the best place mentally for awhile but things came to a head recently. I’m not one to say anything publicly so I just shut down. I didn’t blog – missing the latest Ghibli entry – and pretty much avoided Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
When I did venture online, I saw wonderful updates from friends about the exciting things going on in their lives, but I just didn’t have the emotional energy to reach out to them. In the couple of messages I did reply to I avoided talking about myself for fear of dragging others down with me. If I seemed uncommonly short with you this week, it wasn’t intentional.
I find I can compartmentalise my emotions quite easily. I can be upbeat and outgoing on the surface, while my mind is in turmoil underneath. Normally, I find it easy to raise other people up even when I’m floundering, but I haven’t really had the strength for that this week.
Outwardly it’s been a really good week. I’ve done three fundraising collections this week which afforded me the opportunity to meet countless new faces, and I’ve had nothing but lovely comments and genuine interest in the work I do with my charity. Although tiring, it was very rewarding and I know the monies raised will all go towards a good cause.
Inwardly it’s been another story. I’ve been swimming in turbulent seas of self-doubt, self-loathing and frustration. I’m my own worst enemy sometimes and I’m nowhere near invincible.
I’m over the hump now though and my outlook is more positive. I’m trying to pick up the pieces and this is me charting a course for calmer seas.
Normal Ghibli service will resume this weekend, and I’ll try to catch up on my #somethingist and #saturdayscribblers challenges, as well as checking in with you all. My next Ultra Challenge is next weekend (I know, that came along quick! It might have been a good idea to actually exercise!) I also have a couple of secret arty projects I’m quite excited about too 🙂
Share a happy thought or two? We can fly..