Not that I really have anything to complain about. My life is hardly terrible. I’m surrounded by loved ones and I have a steady job – the job is the part that I hate. This is old news and my plan is to run off to university again and train myself up in a new discipline (games design). Sounds so simple.
Problem is, alot of the courses expect some artistic ability and a portfolio of work to show for it. I’m not gifted, I just have ideas and I’ve always played around with different mediums at some point. I used to draw cartoons when I was younger and I was pretty good at still life. I’ve done watercolour painting and general arts and crafts. I’ve experimented with Flash and Illustrator and Photoshop. I’ve looked at Bryce 3D, Anim8or and Lightwave. I’ve also researched stopmotion, modding, robotics, artificial intelligence, machinima and so on.
I’ve gone full circle – from games to animation to webpages to photos and back again. All this and what do I have to show for it? Answer: Not alot.
Today was to be a productive day. I would get up early and play around with Photoshop CS – try to realise some of my ideas and try some techniques i’ve been reading about. I woke an hour late to the sound of my nephew gurgling beside my bed. After breakfast I scanned in the sketches i’ve drawn over the past couple of weeks and fiddled about in Photoshop.
Come lunch time I hadn’t made much progress and even though i’m still learning I came away feeling quite frustrated. My mood didn’t improve in the afternoon and I had no ideas and no drive to create something. So much for a productive day!
All I accomplished today was to finish Tombraider: The Angel of Darkness and Lego Star Wars: The Game – I retreated to my virtual lives for comfort. I played in Bryce again but I’d had enough so logged off for dinner and a film. I came back to try a Photoshop tutorial on creating a space scene but it’s quite involved and I don’t have the energy. I’m hoping i’ll be in a better mood to finish it tomorrow.
I’m really just having a winge here so pay no attention. The January deadline is looming and i’m thinking i’m really not cut out for a full degree so soon – i’ll have nothing to show at the interview – i’m thinking it might be better to start with a HND or a foundation degree or look into art classes again.
Maybe it’s just tiredness – I have had a crap week at work and alot of pressure with Christmas coming. I know i’m probably asking too much of myself in such a short space of time too and I do have to start somewhere. But if I miss this window, I don’t think I could stand to still be where I am in another two years. World weary.
“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one, I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one.” – John Lennon
