I did not have a good working week this week. Since monday there have been countless things that i’ve forgotten to do and i’ve been getting it in the neck from one of my colleagues. Not that I mind admitting it was my fault – I knew i’d let things slide lately – but she’s the kind of person that makes a point of saying things loud enough for my team leader to hear, rather than confronting me one on one. She’s just looking for brownie points if you ask me.
Anyway, I fixed all the aforementioned mistakes, even got into work on time the rest of the week after being told off by my boss for being ten minutes late on tuesday. I’ve started wearing a suit to work which has raised my confidence – I call it my “power suit” – and I got some compliments from the team. It was “dress up thursday” on thursday anyway so I was the star of the show. We all wear shirts and trousers of course, but no-one in my team wears a full suit.
On friday I went to the pub after work with some of my workmates. I hardly ever go drinking so I thought “what the hell!” as I needed to unwind. It wasn’t an all-nighter though, I only had a few. Everyone else was the same so we all went our seperate ways by 8:30. It was nice talking to people outside of work though, as it makes a change from talking about work stuff all day. You get to know them better and I was surprised by some things I found out. I have more in common with some of them than I thought.
Oliver at work has been trying to convince me to buy The Stone Roses album all week so I finally did. It’s the “Very Best Of” compilation. I’m still not convinced – it’s all a bit too mellow for my liking. Not that i’m a hardcore rocker, but I like my music with a bit of a punch. The stuff on this cd is all very laidback, subtle stuff. I like a couple of the songs so far: Sally Cinammon and Fools Gold, and the instrumentals are good, but I have to turn the volume up to ten before it even sounds moving, it’s a very quiet album. I have heard of The Stone Roses before, they are pretty famous if you’re in the know about music, but i’m not so I haven’t really listened to them before.
The album was part of a three for £18 deal anyway so it’s not a huge loss. I also got two dvds: House of Flying Daggers special edition and Schindler’s List. I still haven’t seen the end of HoFD as I had to leave to go to the toilet when I went to see it at the cinema, lol. It’s a very long film. It’s beautiful though, alot like Hero as it’s by the same director. Schindler’s List is a famous film about the man who saved over a thousand jews from Nazi extermination. I saw it years ago when I was really young. I only remember bits and pieces so I want to see it again, but it’s one of those films that everyone has heard of as it’s so moving.
I’m working on a couple of projects at the moment – one i’ve started and one is still in my head. The one i’ve started is another 3D piece using Lightwave. The one in my head is more of a 2D piece and i’m not sure if I can manage it really.
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will never work on the next Toy Story or Lord of The Ring’s movie – I simply don’t have what it takes. I have my own ideas and there are big holes in my knowledge of 3D applications so I know that with training I can improve. But I don’t think I have a strong enough drive to do it for a living. The industry is saturated with more talented and younger people than me – just google “digital art” and you’ll see what I mean.
Don’t get me wrong – this is a good realisation, i’m not bitter. It takes the pressure off so that I can focus on my own projects with no deadlines. I want to keep earning too so I will teach myself in my own time rather than quitting work to study at uni/college. I think that would be a mistake as there’s no guarantee I would finish the course and I need to earn money to save for more important things such as a deposit for a house. I’ve been looking around for a dvd set I can order and some books to buy so I will learn from a structured programme which will be better too.
My main problem is that I flit from interest to interest – one day it’s a 3D tutorial, the next a Photoshop one, and the next something in Game Design. This is all fine and dandy and I’ve been having a blast playing games and messing about with new ideas and designs, but i’m 23, i’m still at home, and i’m not really qualified to do anything I want to do.
If I’m realistic, my best course of action would be to stick in with the Bank. Do the Mortgage Advisers course and get a transfer to a branch somewhere where Falling and I can live. That is the easiest and most logical plan. I just never thought I would spend my days in the office. A word of advice kids: decide what you want to do as soon as you can and stick with it, changing your mind all the time doesn’t help.
So yeah i’m working on a couple of projects and i’m pretty excited about them so when the first one is done i’ll let you all see! In the meantime here is yet another of my unfinished projects from ages ago – I post it only because I’m very pleased with the way the map turned out and it would be a shame to waste it=P I may go back to it someday…
May 29th, 2006 at 12:48 am
Hey, I like the picture
I know certain things seem like logical courses of action, like sticking with the bank and then transferring when we find somewhere to live, but I really don’t want you to feel like giving up dreaming, dream give people hope.
Okay, neither of us is going to be the best thinker or animator since Hayao Miyazaki or J.R.R. Tolkien, but there is still room for believing in ourselves. 23 isn’t old, it’s just the beginning. I don’t think you are ‘realising’ anything, I think you’re being pessimistic.
Yes, I might be far too idealistic, but its never a good idea to give up believing you can achieve great things. Self belief goes a long way. Its good that you don’t feel pressured anymore but I wasn’t aware that you did feel that way. It’s never good to feel pressured, especially when it comes to your interests and passions. Although for me, my studies are something I’m passionate about and yes, I do feel pressured by it! But I think I’ll take away alot from the experience.
Anyway..it’s the middle of the night and I’m sooo tired so I’ll go to bed now. I’ve been working on my essay for most of the day but I’ve still got alot to do. I’m home til thursday then I’m going back to York, then coming to Edinburgh on Friday..I’m looking forward to seeing you
May 29th, 2006 at 12:51 am
Eww..I hate niggling spelling mistakes. I meant to say ‘dreams’, not ‘dream’
But the philosophy still stands: self belief and optimism
xxx